Second Effort

I’ve had my eye on her for a while. Sleek, svelt and a little ticklish. We met at the mall a couple times. I got to run my fingers over her ivory skin. Then, when I finally had the gumption to bring her home, I came right out and exposed myself. But I couldn’t just tap that right away. I had to let the tension build a little. For a week or so now we’ve just flirted. And I was right to wait. Because now it feels even better.

I’ve been grumbling about the old girl just about as long as I can remember. Sara knew I was fed up, and I think she understands, but she’s a little more emotional about it than me. She had more invested. I’m ready to cut all ties, and that’s what this post is all about.

We got a new iMac. This is the first time I’ve done more than type an e-mail or web address on this smooth little bitch and goddamn if it isn’t the best typographical experience of my life.

There’s plenty of bells and whistles. The screen is probably two and a half times bigger than the iBook we’ve been squinting at since Sara and I moved in together five years ago. Porn loads in microseconds despite our outdated ethernet cable. We went all out and purchased extra memory and Microsoft Office, so there’s actually a decent word processing program, eliminating the only real drawback of Macs. I’m no computer geek. I don’t need anything spectacular and I’ll never build my own. This baby has everything I’ve ever wanted in a home computer.

But there’s a bonus. This keyboard is fucking Nirvana. It’s better than that. It’s Kurt Cobain with a needle in his arm hammering away at Dorothy, who’s wearing only her ruby slippers, in a field of poppies with the army of flying monkeys cheering them on. Zeppelin provides the soundtrack.

These things are going to save people’s lives. Those that don’t sit at a computer for a living have laughed at the carpal tunnel stuff. I used to. But that shit is real, and I was well on my way. These new keyboards are so smooth people are buying dozens from Apple now for fear they will try and improve on them down the line and fuck them up. I love it so much I am seriously considering investing in one to take to work.

That’s all boring. But if you have used one you can testify. Can I get a hell yeah?

The old lady just walked in and busted me fooling around with her girlfriend. “Are you writing porn?” she said. Not yet, but with this lovely piece of ass at my fingertips, the sky’s the limit.